When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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