im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
