Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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