I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
