Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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