I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
