Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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