did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
