Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
