He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
