she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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