I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
