My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
