I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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