my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
