im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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