I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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