shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
