i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
