"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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