I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
