Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
