I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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