did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
