Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
