i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
