I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
