He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
