I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize