Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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