I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize