I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
