I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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