when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
