Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
