So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this boner is exhausting
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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