Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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