Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
