I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
