My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
