New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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