if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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