I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
