The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
