is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
