Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
