Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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