OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
