I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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