Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
