I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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