I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
