well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
