and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
