Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
