Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
