he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
