Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
