3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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