I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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