Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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