So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
