Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
