You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
