I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
