Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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