Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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