she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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