a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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