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just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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