It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
