OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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