I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
