There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
