We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
