here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
