So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
