My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
