Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
