I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
