My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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