I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
