Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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