Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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