so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
