I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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